Monday, April 28, 2008

Adventurers Almanac: Manner Minders

From Adventurers Almanac Volume No. 54, Issue No. 1, Club President Pamelia Perkins provides a bit of fashion-related advice for the more dapper and manner-conscious thrill seekers:


The Club motto states, "Always dress for the hunt!" I am continuously looking for ways to combine the heart-thumping excitement of adventure with the toe-tingling rush of a well designed pump. This issue I share with you, my beloved readers (and supporters in the next election), a few tips on wearing fashionable skirts in the wild, while participating in seated tribal rituals. In layman's terms: "How to squat down into a sits, without showing your private bits." Learn this simple technique and you'll never have to sacrifice modesty or appearance!

Step 1: Tuck skirt between knees
Step 2: Cross legs securely
Step 3: Rotate one full circle
Step 4: Point up and scream, "What is that large pointed object pummeling through the clouds?"
Step 5: When the tribe is distracted, drop quickly and assume a relaxed pose

Most importantly, be sure to avoid sandy areas where burrowing chiggers may be as adventurous as you are. Don't let pain become your fashion statement.