Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Adventurers Almanac: Artifact Overload Everywhere!

From Volume 56, Issue No. 8 of the Adventurers Almanac comes this plea in regard to the aesthetics of the Club's entranceway:

A general announcement has been made on behalf of both the Landscaping Committee and the Artifact Committee. To put it simply, these Committees request that Members do not leave artifacts unattended in front of the Club.

Recent visitors to the Club could not help but notice many "new additions" to the Club entrance. There is, evidently, a new custom being practiced by our Members who have items they wish to submit as loans or donations to the Permanent Collection. Upon arrival at the Club, Adventurers appear to be simply leaving the trophies and acquisitions from recent expeditions on the front lawn and front stoop. While some of these are tagged or registered with Club curator, Fletcher Hodges, others are merely stacked, piled, or stuck in the ground. The aesthetic offense being taken by our more staid and traditional members, however, is nothing compared to the real danger created by this random manner of artifact warehousing.

A recent lecture scheduled on "Central African Tribal Feuds" turned into a minor tragedy as a result of our haphazard entry way decor. Lecture Committee chairman, Comdr. (Retired) Alan Glassman, had the near impossible task of calming down our hysterical guest lecturer, a Mishanti tribal chieftain named Oshubu.

Apparently a cluster of spears casually stuck in the front lawn by a thirsty Adventurer in a hurry to visit with Nash, was unknowingly placed in a configuration that symbolized a curse on Oshubu's livestock. Only after protracted apologies, pleas of ignorance, and lengthy financial negotiations was Comdr. Glassman able to convince our Ashanti visitor not to cut off the right thumb of everyone in the Club at that moment (evidently the only way to counteract the curse, according to their traditions). Needless to say, the lecture was canceled as a simple precautionary measure.

The delay and altering of the evenings activities caused further mayhem, however. Dame Mildred had come dressed for the lecture in an authentic Mishanti costume, quite fetchingly fashioned entirely out of porcupine quills. She consumed several chilled adult beverages while waiting for the evenings events and then several more than her usually liberal limit. She caused a great deal of alarm by inadvertently inflicting several nasty puncture wounds upon fellow attendees when the lecture was hastily replaced by a square dance competition.

In order to avoid further complications, we ask that no more artifacts are added to the front of the Club without first obtaining permission from Club curator, Fletcher Hodges.

Special thanks to Wade Sampson for mentioning our Adventurers Almanac series in his recent article at MousePlanet!


Greg said...

I am sure going to miss this place.

scott said...